Tattoo

I want to have a tattoo.

This is what first came into my mind while I was listening to the new song of Coldplay entitled Ink. Maybe I am just curious how painful it is to have an ink. Or I just want to have a mark in my body, para lang masabi na I have a something that has a deep personal meaning in my life.

I have college friends who got their tattooes. My former roommate made his own design and asked permission from his wife to have it tattooed. Two of my lady friends have their tattooes at their back. I remember they chose a butterlfly and a Chinese character for their body ink. I told them, soon I will have my own tattoo but my words just got blew by the wind. It never happened.

One time I had a chat with my former officemate, she’s a lady by the way and our conversation went to the topic of having an ink. I was surprised when her parents especially her dad is open to the idea of having a tattoo but for a certain tattoo – the medal of Saint Benedict. For most Catholic, the medal is famous because of the belief that the medal can drive away evil spirits and as form of protection. My lady friend wants to have it inked at her back.

I remember almost the same scenario when I was still in college. I remember my former Dorm Master who were assigned previously in Vatican. He almost became a priest if I was not mistaken. Eventually he went back to Baguio and became a Religion professor. I knew him as well more on as a holy type of person. I was surprised when he told us that he has a tattoo. It was made in Italy during his stay there and inked the symbol of his congregation.

Indeed there are reasons why people have tattoo. We don’t just put a mark in our body for no reason. Unless of course if we are just too delinquent and considered our body as a blank piece of paper and write whatever we want.

I believe having a tattoo is a big decision to make. It is binded with our emotions and experiences in life. We want to have stories of our tattoo. We want to put a symbol that will remind us. We put the face of our dear love ones or family who already departed. We chose lines or saying we used as our mantra in life.

Then I realize that living in this world gives us the opportunity not only to own a tattoo but to leave a tattoo to other people. It is an invisible kind of tattoo but remains for eternity. We leave an indelible ink to people we interact with. We are our own artist in leaving tattoo to other people.

If I will assess myself, I could say the tattooes I will leave behind are mixed with good and bad tattooes. There are people who will remember my tattoes as their worst encounter with me while some will cherish the inks I will leave behind. Some tattooes I will leave are deep beyond the epidermis of their bodies, until it reach their hearts. While some would just be like a henna tattoo, only superficial and soon be faded by time. I might give excruciating pain during the process but I hope those pains would soon be changed with joys.

But the worst thing that I could leave behind are tattooes which are mistakenly inked. Those words that I could never get back because they became permanent. Those heartaches I caused because of my personal pride and selfishness. Those tattooes made during the times when I closed my eyes and became insensitve in taking into consideration the feelings of other people.

I want to have a tattoo but this time I want to leave a tattoo that will remind other people of what I was,

what I am, and

what I would be.

Oras

January 31 na, parang kailan lang may hang over pa ako ng aking bakasyon sa Pinas at masayang celebration ng Christmas at New Year. Halos isang buwan na rin ako nakabalik sa dati kong trabaho. Nakatapos na tin ako ng isang kliyente at heto’t kakaumpisa ko lang noong nakaraang linggo ng bagong kliyente. Sigurado ako madagdagdagan pa ang aking mga assignment sa mga susunod na mga araw.

Totoo ngang mabilis ang takbo ng mga araw kapag busy. Ang 24 oras ay tila ba parang segundo lang kung lumipas. Lalo na sa napili kong trabaho, kulang ang isang buong araw para matapos ang bawat gawain.

Ngunit sa kabilang banda, pilit ko pa rin gawing normal as much as possible ang bawat araw ko. Pilit ko pa rin makapaghanda ng mainit na breakfast para sa Lovsy ko. Paborito kasi nya ang mushroom omelet with house blended cappuccino. Ang bawat ngiti nya sa umaga ay sapat ng dahilan para ipagpatuloy ko ang pahahanda ng masarap na almusal. Ganun talaga kapag inlove… Inspired.

binalik ko ang pagbabasa ng Didache sa umaga. Nakabili kasi ako ng kopya ng Didache noong umuwi ako sa Pinas. Halos 2 taon din noong huli akong makabasa ng Didache. Alam ko kasing it will be a trying times for me to go back to audit life kaya naisipan kong maghanap ng mapagkukunan ng motivation ang positive vibes to start my every morning. Hindi sa nagpapakabanal ako pero magaan kong nauumpisahan ang bawat araw ko through the words from the Bible and from the testimonies ng mga nagsulat sa Didache.

Pinipilit ko rin bigyan ng oras ang aking katawan. I am not getting younger anymore and nafefeel ko na ang pagbabago sa aking katawan as I enter my 30’s. Sa ngayon tabachoy pa rin ako. Dala dala ko pa rin ang mga taba from holidays. Tama nga sila, bumabagal ang metabolism habang tumatanda. Kaya as much as possible kung may oras para maggym, I go to gym since may libreng gym naman sa building kung saan kami nakatira. Pinapaghalo ko ang workout at stretching from Insanity workout at 20 minutes na pagtakbo sa threadmill. Sinusubukan ko rin magtone ng katawan kaya nagbubuhat din ako ng weights na kaya ko. Next imomonitor ko na rin ang pag inom ng tubig at pagkain ng fruits. Ganito ata talaga pag tumatanda. Sana madisiplina ko sarili ko. Kilala ko kasi sarili ko. Marupok ako.

Isa sa mga gugambala sa isip ko ngayon ay ang mga oras na aking ginugol sa buong buhay ko. Isa dun ang di ko pagtupad sa mga pangarap ko sa buhay. Isa dun ang mgtake ng certification exam. Alam kong nanghihinayang ako sa di ko pagmaximize ng oras ko noong wala pa ako sa audit. Sayang ang bawat oras para mapagreview for my certification. Nandun na kasi ang katamaran at kalituhan kung anong certification ang gusto kong itake. Sinubukan kong magreview for CMA pero hindi inaabsorb ng utak ko. Siguro kasi wala sa hilig ko ang managerial accounting. Pero sa umpisa ng taong ito, biglang bumalik ang pangarap kong makakuha ng certification. Sakto din na may nakuha akong review materials para sa CIA or para sa certified internal auditors. Nais ko pa rin kasi bumalik sa internal audit. At inaamin ko naman na masaya ako sa dati kong trabaho as internal auditor. Kaya heto nasa second week na ako ng aking review. Sana makaya ng brain cells ko ang pagbabalik aral ko. Kung pumasa eh di Wow!!!

At ngayon binabalik ko rin ang oras kong magsulat ulit. Hinayaan ko munang magsulat ng malaya at hindi ko muna inisip kung sa English o sa Tagalog ako magsusulat. Gusto ko lang makapag sulat ulit. Namiss ko ang magblog kaya I am punching again the keys as I deliver my thoughts and what are the things in my mind right now.

Bukas umpisa na naman ng bagong pakikibaka. Umpisa na rin ng bagong buwan. Excited pa rin ako sa kung ano nakahanda para sa akin. Aja pa rin sa mga challenges sa work. At patuloy ko pa rin ipapagpatuloy ang naumpisahan ko.

Gudnight at maaga pa ako bukas para iready ang breakfast namin ni Lovsy… At ang aking house blend cappuccino.

The Pope Fever

The Pope fever has reached Doha and my heart.

Yesterday I started to get glued watching ANC channel for updates about the Pope’s visit in Philippines. Due to the time difference between Doha and Manila, I only got some highlights of the replays of the masses and the messages of the Pope during his homilies and speeches.

This morning when I opened the TV, it was Pope’s image that greeted me. It was a replay of his homily during the mass in Leyte. Through his interpreter, I received his message loud and clear. His sympathy and concern to the victims of typhoon Yolanda was truly sincere. He spoke straight from his heart.

Then I a tiny teardrop fall from my left eye. For the first time in my adult life I experienced to shed a tear after minutes of waking up. The message of our dear Pope has indeed moved my heart. His message is like a reminder snoozing and reminding us that God is always with us and our compassionate God knows our agony and pain in life. That Jesus cries with us as He knows the pains we feel.

Our humble Pope is indeed a servant by God and Pope Francis makes his very best to act as a bridge to all people in bringing the message of God. His call to take care of the poor and to live a simple life struck me the most.

As an OFW, I know that living in materialistic world is easy to fall in. Things changed when my purchasing capacity increased as compared before when I was still in Philippines. I admit that I became frugal in spending money at some extent. I began to ask myself and assess my priorities in life when I listened to Pope Francis’ message to live a simplier life.

Soon Pope Francis will be back to Vatican and our life will go back to normal. But his message will be remembered by millions of Filipinos including myself. I hope that the renewed faith will not end once we go back to our daily life. May his call for a simplier life will be relived by all of us. And I hope I could follow his ways.

To our dear Pope Francis thank you for visiting Philippines and for touching our hearts. As a personal message, thank you for showing me the way how to live a simplier life and to take care of other people especially the poor and the needy. I say this straight from my heart.